[Insert Witty Title Here]

Who knew I would actually end up being friends with the guy I was deathly afraid and found drop dead attractive for the past three.

It’s so warm and the stars are so pretty.

Who can say, “Loser”?

Seeing someone experiencing what I experienced is heart breaking for me. He is such a talented soul and here he is feeling failure and defeat. Ow! Is stupid. I wish the school understood that Ow! does not define talent.

This day is kinda bitter for me. I hate seeing the results on Facebook. All the congratulations. It only let’s me relive my sadness. What a stupid thing to be upset about. I try to be confident and not let it get to me, but those three years tore at my psyche a little bit. I wonder if I could go back to freshman year and watch clips from my life if I were to have made Ow! I think my confidence would be at a different level. I wouldn’t have the nerves I do now. I used to be much more open in crowds of unfamiliar people.

More importantly, I doubt myself now. All the time, I doubt myself. I remember back to 8th grade. I exuded confidence. In rehearsals, I never felt I wasn’t good enough. I believed in myself. I don’t often do that I anymore. I only think about how bad I am. I try so hard to see the positives. But I really can’t.

I hate my experience with the Ow! Auditions. I supremely wish I had never let myself audition in the first place.

I could carry my head a little taller. I wouldn’t be ashamed of having a different voice. I wouldn’t feel as second rate to those surrounding me. I’d have the confidence to nail things on the first go.

I’d feel free. Unbound by limitations of the mental kind.

I’m searching out those talented kids that didn’t make it this year. I’ll do anything I can to not make them experience what I did. Especially for the ones who love music. It’s the word to feel like your good at something and then have some elitist group tell you “you’re not good enough for me.”

This post felt nice to write. Therapeutic in a way.